To The Laboratory

They continued down the road dodging drunk drivers and traffic jams. Gerry noticed there were no stoplights or traffic signs, but then again when does a drunk ever pay attention to them anyways? “So, where are we going, Mr. Ole Grandpa?” Little Chatpers asked, who was riding shotgun. “Why, to my Laboratory and Rum Distributor! There you can see all of my latest drinking inventions! It is there that I invented the metal processing method that enables all of this miraculous alcoholism: alkalumiunum. The latest mixers and enablers are all made there as well, technology so advanced that my competitors would pay millions for just a tiny peek! And each of you will have the privilege of seeing it!” Chatpers gave a small clap of his hands and acted excited while Jonah checked her watch and dug inside her purse for a cigarette. Gerry was chewing on the ice in his drink and starting to look more agitated. Finally, in a low voice, he turned to Teddy and said, “Why do you wish you could sober up? Look, don’t tell anyone this, but I haven’t been able to get drunk since I got here. Hell, I could barely manage a buzz at 9,000 feet. Now that we’re actually below sea level? I’ve had like 6 drinks and I feel nothing.” Teddy looked a bit nervous that Gerry wanted to resume their previous conversation. The effects of the vodka drinks were reddening his cheeks a little, so that he finally caved in and said a little too loudly. “Well, lucky fucking you. My friends and I tried sobriety a few times, but then Suzy’s Mom caught her not being wasted and now we’re all grounded. My Dad has been bringing me to work with him so he can make sure I’m drinking steadily.” Gerry wasn’t quite sure how to respond to this, and he didn’t need to when the car swerved off the road and pulled up to another large building. The parking was much more orderly here, with cars in neat rows. Except they weren’t cars, they were Armored Personal Vehicles and Helicopters. A large line of military-looking trucks were all in a row as well, while outside one of the military vehicles were what appeared to be a group of soldiers hoisting assault rifles inside. “What the Hell is all this?” Jonah asked. “Silly, the Rum Distribution center and my Lab!”